Love Again
by Caskettology
Summary: AU of Undead Again. It's Castle's last case, but will Beckett be able to let him go, or for that matter, will he be able to leave? Disclaimer! I do not own Castle, that's Andrew Marlowe and ABC's privilege
1. Chapter 1

**A 911** **call were made around 4 am. A murder had taken place in an office building, and the cops were on their way. David Lock had been shot to death by Tom Williams, so he would stop trying to sleep with his fiancè, Greta Mastriani. The 911 call were made by Charlie Coleman, who started out as a suspect, since he was a professional rival of the victim. Detectives Beckett, Ryan and Esposito arrived at the crime scene with ME Perlmutter. Castle arrived at the precinct when they brought the suspects in.**

The Case was over. A man shot in a parking garage by his romantic rival, witnessed by his professional. Open and shut, case closed. A case so easy it wasn't even affected by the emotional turmoil faced by the lead detective.

A vast distance had appeared since the bombing, and with that distance a growing sense of despair had gathered around detective Kate Beckett.

She had tried, really tried to mend bridges with him, after she got over the hurt that came with Jacinda, that brainless stewardess. First she tried to make him come after her, tried to make him jealous by spending time with Colin Hunt, but it just pushed him farther away. Then she got his back throughout the whole Slaughter debacle, only to be met with only a little surprise when he found out that she sat her job in jeopardy to hold him safe.

That surprise were what she held onto until he told her it would be his case.

Now they were in the bullpen, done with the case, and apparently done with Castle too.

She didn't comprehend.

Didn't comprehend that he would leave.

Didn't comprehend that he wouldn't be there. Not for her. Not anymore.

She didn't even know why.

Didn't he love her?

Then would he leave her now?

Why would he suddenly turn from warm and funny and kind and helpful...  
Turn to cold, distant, uncaring and... _not Castle_?

Her musings were interrupted as Castle made his farewell with Esposito and Ryan, making a joke that Gates should have been there, as it would be one of the greatest moments of her life.

He turns and starts to walk towards the elevators, stopping at your barely voiced "_Castle_".

He spins slowly, looks at you with sad eyes. "Goodbye, Beckett", the sad farewell you did _not_ want to hear. He turns around again, starts walking.

Starts walking away from you.

Your despair almost darkens the room, crushes your shoulders down, filling your lungs with ash and squeezes your heart. "_no_" you her yourself say, a strangled voice you don't recognize, tears welling in your eyes, running down your cheeks.

"No" you say again louder this time, Esposito and Ryan looks at you, but you don't see them, you see only Castle, walking towards the elevators.

"No" you cry out, collapsing on your knees as the tears and the pain take over, hurting over a future lost, as the man you love above everything else is walking away from you.

You can't see anymore.

The whole bullpen is in shock, but you don't register it.

Finally, the impervious Beckett has shattered. Everyone caught by surprise.

Including a man hurting because he thinks you don't love him, a man that has been with you through everything, a man who loves you.

A man who turned away from the elevators.

* * *

Your last case. Done

No more precinct. No more cases. No more Ryan or Esposito.

No more Kate.

No more banter, no more theorizing, no more love.

He can't face it anymore.

No one except his family love him.

No one except his family will ever love him.

He has been proven that time and again.

You cannot make someone family, they will not learn to love you.

The only love you can receive is from family, but it isn't enough.

It isn't enough that only people related to you can love you. The rest either hates you or are infatuated with you, for your lesser qualities. Money that isn't worth anything real, Humor that you adopted as a defense mechanism for all the hurt in the world. No one likes the loving father, no one loves the imaginative boy. People either hate or like the facade. The you that isn't you, that doesn't really exist.

You believed in Beckett, that she cared, maybe even loved you. But no, she just needs you for her self esteem, a best selling author at her beck and call, teasing humor to make him ignore the leash.

You tried to aspire to the ideals set by your Kate, to bring justice to the world, to the victims, make the guilty pay. It isn't enough. Not enough to be able to work with her. Not enough that police work isn't a too strong reminder of her.

So you make use of your last alternative. You leave. Leave this world behind. This world of implied, but unfulfilled promises. You say goodbye to the boys. It's harder than it should be, so you armor yourself with humor.

You walk towards the elevators as you hear Beckett say "Castle"

You think you imagine its despair covering her voice, she's just sad that her puppy is leaving.

You look at her, can't keep the sadness away. "Goodbye, Beckett" you are disappointed that you can't keep the sadness away from your voice.

You turn around and walk away, hoping the hurt will lessen.

You hear a muffled sound, but continue to walk.

You hear a "No" from Beckett, thinking bitterly that she could have treated you better, not led you on like a lovesick teenager.

Then you hear one thing you have never heard before, a "No" coming from a crying Beckett. You turn around, and as you see her kneeling on the floor, crying, you know you can't walk away from her, even if it hurts, it will hurt more if she is hurting too.

* * *

A/N

This is my first Fanfic, so criticism is welcomed. I plan for one or two more chapters, but I may be open to ideas if you have some. Thank you for reading


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thank you for reading and reviewing, it is amazing how psyched you get from notifications that pop up once you guys fav, follow and review. **

**Anyhow, I must say that I am sorry about switching from third to second person halfway through each POW, and that it (hopefully) won't happen again.**

**I also got a comment about Kate, and that her behavior is ooc, that she wouldn't have broken down until she got home and alone. I have to things to say about that. First, at the start of her breakdown, her whole world zoomed in on Castle walking away from her, so she stopped even registering the other people present, which makes it a tad more believable. Second, this is my story, and even if these aren't my characters, as long as I write the story, they get to do what decide.**

**Onwards to the story**

* * *

**The whole bullpen fell silent, except for Kate's crying. Everyone watched dumbstruck as Castle got tears in his eyes, slowly making his way towards Kate, crying on the floor.**

This couldn't be happening. After all this time, after all they've been through, he couldn't just walk away.

It hurt. Pain searing through her chest, head in her hands, tears slipping through her fingers.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be there for her. Through thick and thin, fire and ice. He was supposed to be there, always.

But he left her. As every other man that was supposed to be in her life, help her through her troubles.

He should have been different. Different than the boyfriends who didn't understand her. Different from the boyfriends who left her. Different from her dad, who forgot about her to the bottle, even though he's trying to mend the damage done, he still forgot about her.

And Castle was leaving too.

She began to cry harder.

He was her friend, her partner, her castle that held the evil of the world at bay. _Hers. _Her _Castle_.

* * *

Castle knelt down beside her, still shocked to the bone about Beckett's breakdown.

"Shh, shh Beckett, don't cry." he said soothingly, his instincts as a father stepping in, arms enveloping her, trying to calm her down.

"It's going to be okay-" he starts, before she wraps her arms around him and interrupts.

"_NO_! It's not! You can't leave me, you're supposed to be here, with me." she manages to say it while simultaneously crying into his shoulder. "You can't leave. You're supposed to be here, supposed to be my partner, supposed to _love_ me." she isn't able to say anymore as her sobbing takes over.

Castle is stunned. He doesn't know what to do. Beckett implied that she cares very much about him, likely even loves him, and it doesn't make sense. Why would she lie about remembering if she loved him back? "Shh, I'm here, it's okay." he lets out, rocking her slightly.

* * *

She feels Castle there, hears him say that he is there and it is okay. But you can't accept it. He left, didn't he? "But you're leaving, even though you promised, promised me _always_. Promised me always even though you knew how broken I am, and now you are leaving. You can't! I need you!" it started as mumbling, weak words gathering strength, until she almost yelled out what she had to say.

She takes a deep breath, only now registering that his slight rocking has stopped. She looks up, into his eyes, sees through his wet eyes, and finally whispers, "you have to stay, you can't break your promise. Don't go, I love you."

* * *

**Ryan and Esposito are the last to leave the bullpen, everyone left out of respect for the couples privacy, as they clearly needed it.**

**The couple, kneeling on the floor, holding each other in their own world, unaware of the emptiness around them, one filled with wonder over her revelation, the other still crushed by the despair that still hasn't left her mind.**

* * *

**A/N 2: That's it for today. Stay tuned for the last chapter, and please let me know if you have any input to the story, or just a general opinion.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Their gazes are locked, kneeling in the empty bullpen, both silent, both holding their breaths. The moment lasting an eternity.**

* * *

"You love me?" Castle finally sputters out, heart pounding in his chest. Did she _love_ him?

"Yes." was her simple answer, eyes shining, face slowly lightening up. "But... you are leaving?" she continues.

"I thought..." he starts, "When I heard you say that you remember everything to that suspect, I thought my feelings for you were an inconvenience for you, so I tried to pull away making it hurt less." he rambles off, his mouth throwing out his thoughts, his writer-brain makes the sentences complete at instinct. "It reached a point where I couldn't follow you anymore, so I decided to cut my losses and leave."

"Have I..." she starts, eyes growing unsure, her mouth trying to find the right words. "Have I still a place in your heart?" she finally whispers, eyes now looking at him like a terrified girl.

Castle reaches up to her face with his right hand, stroking away the tears from her cheek. "Always" he says and smiles at her.

* * *

She feels the terror and despair leave her body, a feeling of wonder and happiness taking their place. She reaches up to cup his face with her hands, then uses her right hand to dry out the corner of his eye, smiling up at him.

"Can you say it again?" she asks, her right hand now stroking his cheek.

"I love you, Kate." He answers, his radiant smile almost blinding her.

"I love you too." she says, right hand going to the back of his head, her head moving a little closer, tilting a little to the right.

* * *

They don't know who takes the next move, but their mouths meet in the most perfect _non_-undercover first kiss of their lives. Encased in their own little world, they didn't notice the other detectives and officers from their floors peeking from their hiding spots, before returning to their coworkers, describing what they saw, settling bets and gossiping. Esposito and Ryan standing in the stairs with some of their coworkers, the rest were spread through the interrogation rooms and the break room. Esposito filled the newly arrived Lanie in with what happened, while Ryan grumbled about the poor spying position they were in, they where barely able to hear Beckett saying that Castle wasn't supposed to leave, but they could have figured that out by themselves.

They turned to look at what was happening with the couple, but didn't see them anywhere. Figuring they went out, they walked into the bullpen again, the volume of the chattering cops increasing since they weren't about to be caught by the subjects of the chatter. Lanie whipped out her phone, going to message Beckett, but after receiving a stern glare from Esposito let it drop.

They continued to work, Esposito and Ryan taking the necessary files from Beckett's desk, figuring she wouldn't be coming back today, and that she would appreciate that their case was filed and ready for court when she came back, tomorrow or so.

Everything went on, chats were repeated over and over again as nobody could believe Beckett would have a public breakdown.

* * *

"_What the hell is going on?_" Everyone fell silent as Gates entered the bullpen, glaring across everyone. Noting the absence of Detective Beckett and Castle (although Castle had been pleasingly absent as of late), went over to Ryan and Esposito.

"Where is Beckett?" It wasn't as much a question than a command. Gates was in a foul mood, having been in financial meetings the whole afternoon, although she remembers hearing that Beckett's team got a case that morning. "I thought you had a case?"

Esposito and Ryan looks at each other, "The Case is done, sir." Ryan answers "Beckett felt sick, so she went home." Esposito continues, eyes flickering a little.

"What about Castle?" Gates hopes he has quit, she has no need of him in her precinct, and it seems like he has begun to drift away from the team recently.

Ryan and Esposito looks at each other again. "He..." Esposito starts, not knowing what to say "...was here," Ryan follows up, "He had to help his daughter about something for prom." Esposito finishes.

Gates groans and head for her office, hoping that the evening at least would be relaxing.

With Gates no longer watching, Esposito gives Ryan a high-five, "Good catch, we need to fill Beckett in on her alibi."

"I think we should wait until tomorrow with it, I think she might be preoccupied." Ryan answers.

Esposito shoots him a grimace, and they both shudder.

* * *

**A/N Last chapter, I hope it was meeting your expectations. Thank you for reading and giving me heartfelt reviews. It have been a whole new experience to write a story here, and the absolute best feeling was all those favs, follows and reviews. Thank you again for being awesome.**

**On another note, I will delay marking this story complete, as I consider making an epilogue, handling the events of Always, and maybe more. I would like to have your views on that, and any ideas you may have for potential storylines that may evolve from this story.**


	4. Epilogue

**Here it is, the epilogue, taking on the events of _Always. _The events in the episode happens up until the fight (where I jump in), except maybe Castle is a little less surprised that Kate accepts his offer to join him after Alexis' graduation.**

* * *

"How do you know this?" she asks, Castle feels the terror growing, knowing that this was maybe the most important question in this conversation, after his motives.

"In order for the deal to work, someone had to make sure you weren't pursuing it." he answers, dreading what would come next.

"Are you a part of this?" she looks scared. Maybe because he'll be the second person she has had close that were a part of her mothers case, that knew things about it. And didn't share it with her. Maybe she was scared because she thought he was the third person she would lose to this. He didn't know, but he could hope.

"I was just trying to keep you safe." figuring that's the best thing he could say.

She turns away, walking out of the room, apparently gathering her thoughts about what to say next. Castle is hoping for the best, expecting the worst.

"By lying to me?" she finally says. "Lying to me about the most important thing in my life?"

"That lie was the only thing keeping you safe." he says, instantly regretting the direct confrontation.

"Castle, I didn't need protection, I needed a lead, and you sat on it for a year." She pauses, moving a little towards him, a little feeling of hope growing in him. "Who is this person, how do I find him?" A question he does not have a satisfying answer for.

"He's a voice on the phone, a shadow in the parking garage." you answer, the feeling of hope getting snuffed out as she stops and stares at him.

"You met with him?" she pauses "How do you know he's not behind my mom's murder, how do you know he's not involved and how the hell could you do this?" She rants out, eyes clearly showing the hurt she must be feeling.

"Because I love you." both of them pause. He starts up again "You know that, and that's why I can't let you do this. Think about it Kate, if you know that I couldn't be your partner if I thought you felt nothing for me, how do you think I could walk with you to your death? I know this is important to you, I know you probably hate me for this, but I can't let you do this, I can't watch you die." the last part comes out as barely a whisper, tears welling in his eyes.

* * *

She is stunned, she can't help but feel a remnant of the dread she felt just a week ago, when he was going to leave her. Now it could happen again, just after they'd gotten together, just after she experienced how beautiful life could be. But she doesn't know what else to do. No one else is to be trusted with this, then the whole case could fall apart.

"What are we supposed to do then? Just let them run around murdering people? We have to solve this, if not for us, then for the victims." she is proud of herself, she made a solid argument, and maybe he won't walk away after all.

"You are right about one thing," he answers. "the case needs to be solved. But you need to remember, you are not the only detective in the city, we need to let someone else do it for us."

She almost scoffs. No one is to be trusted, and she doesn't know anyone who could grab their case for them whom she was sure was uncorrupted. "And who shall we give the case over to, Castle? Who can we trust with it?"

"We need to give it to Gates." she wants it to be a joke, but he is dead serious. "She is former IA, so she should know at least one other uncorrupted team of detectives, we know she is serious about her job, and if you go to her with it your position in the NYPD is not threatened by going behind your superior's back."

She looks in his eyes, and find no room for compromise. She's still angry at him, but she knows it won't stick. But she can't. She can't walk away. Not because of possible threats to her. She opens her mouth when-.

"Kate." he says, obviously seeing the unwillingness to walk away in her eyes. "What would you have done if it was me? If I were going on, let's say a book tour, and you heard from someone that I would be killed if I went. Would you have stopped me from going? Even if you couldn't verify nor falsify their claims?"

She's getting a little more angry, but her mind is already on the story track he span for her. Her mind's eye seeing her warn him about danger, he scoffs, saying it's just an 'occupational hazard', gives her a smile and saying he's going to come back. Her mind fast-forwards a week, and she sees the news. He's dead. Gone. Not coming back. Because she let him go when she knew it wasn't safe. Gone, gone gone.

She feels a hand on her shoulder, waking her up from her reverie. She blinks away tears, stares into his eyes, before hugging him. Finally letting go of her mother's case.

* * *

Gates is surprised when they give her the case. She finds a good team, from another precinct (as the 12th may have various people paid off). They find Maddox in the hotel, shoots him as he tries to resist arrest. They find out that he was targeting Mr. Smith, and he gets a phone call from Gates, saying that he was targeted because of the files, and that he should improve his security, but they think Maddox didn't contact his employers with the information.

Castle and Beckett moves on from her mother's case, letting it go as they start their life together, happier than they have ever been.

**The End (and cue season 5, minus _After The Storm_ and a less interesting _Recoil_)**

* * *

**A/N: This is it, folks. Thank you for reading, and I hope you find it enjoyable. I thank you for wonderful reviews, and hope that you found this story good, if maybe a little angsty, especially the start. I have some ideas for other stories, but not for this arc, but since I am leaving on vacation, they may not appear before August-September. Thanks again for reading.**


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